loved loving you

I was happy to be with you
I was not happy with you

I love who you are
I do not love who you choose to be

I love holding your hands
I do not love when you use them to act violently

I love drinking with you
I do not love what drinking makes you do

I love(d) loving you
I hope you love(d) loving me

I love how we could shoot the shit
I did not love how we'd avoid the philosophical bits

I loved your patience and style
I did not love their evaporation under alcohol's denial

I wonder why we did what we did
Do you wonder what could have been?

And all this while, I think about you every day
I wonder now, do you think about me, at all, these days?

Yes, i know, i chose to fracture the love we had
not once, but twice, it drove you mad

and i injured you once and twice again
broke the things that held us high above the sand

but i had to, don't you understand, can't you see?
I had no option, no choice, but to leave

for I loved you too much, loved you for exactly what you were, every hill, every bump, each curve, and every blur and all your flaws, and of course your perfections, they made me dizzy, i would fall

i could do it! for another year, another ten

i could have dealt with you until the end of time came to our earth,
and then our universe,
and over again

But that could not be, not in this lifetime
(but maybe the next)

It's a question I could ask myself, for the rest of my life, and even through death